“The problem with communication … is the illusion that it has been accomplished.” G. B. Shaw
The Four Death Knells for Your Relationship
A psychologist, Gottman, studied thousands of married couples over decades and discovered patterns about how partners relate to each other, which can be used to predict – with 94% accuracy – which relationships will succeed, and which will fail. He says that each “horseman” paves the way for the next. These four attitudes predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially when used in combination (in order of least to most dangerous). See if you practice any of them.
This strategy is an assault your partner’s character, many times with the intent of proving you right and your partner wrong.
This strategy attacks your partner’s sense of self with the intent to insult or psychologically abuse him/her.
The strategy here is to portray yourself self as the victim to stave off a perceived attack.
This strategy is by far the worst of the four and withdraws from the relationship to avoid conflict. Partners may think they are trying to be “neutral”, but stonewalling conveys disapproval, distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness.
If you or your spouse are committing these attacks in your relationship, you increase the risk of a very dissatisfied relationship or divorce. If you practice one of them routinely, make the change and get help now.
According to a psychologist, Gottman, you have over a 90% chance of divorce if you do the following with your spouse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. I can help you identify the steps necessary to remove these and greatly improve your marriage.